I came to Tallinn a day after the Germans had left. Estonians were staring at me! They knew that I was a Jew and they looked at me in a strange way. I got sick and tired of this kind of attitude. Once I entered the pharmacy; the pharmacist there was known to my family. He held a bowl, but when I came in he dropped it! I walked out right away. In evacuation I had dreamed of coming back to Tallinn, to sit in a café in a beautiful dress. I entered a café, where I used to go before war, and the waitress whom I knew, stared serving me. She looked at me as if I was an alive corpse! When I went to Nõmme to look at our house, before my kin got there, one Estonian whom I did not know rushed to me and said, ‘How great that you came back!’ Then we got acquainted and she told me that she was an actress from the Tallinn drama theater.
- Traditions 11756
- Language spoken 3019
- Identity 7808
- Description of town 2440
- Education, school 8506
- Economics 8772
- Work 11672
- Love & romance 4929
- Leisure/Social life 4159
- Antisemitism 4822
-
Major events (political and historical)
4256
- Armenian genocide 2
- Doctor's Plot (1953) 178
- Soviet invasion of Poland 31
- Siege of Leningrad 86
- The Six Day War 4
- Yom Kippur War 2
- Ataturk's death 5
- Balkan Wars (1912-1913) 35
- First Soviet-Finnish War 37
- Occupation of Czechoslovakia 1938 83
- Invasion of France 9
- Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact 65
- Varlik Vergisi (Wealth Tax) 36
- First World War (1914-1918) 216
- Spanish flu (1918-1920) 14
- Latvian War of Independence (1918-1920) 4
- The Great Depression (1929-1933) 20
- Hitler comes to power (1933) 127
- 151 Hospital 1
- Fire of Thessaloniki (1917) 9
- Greek Civil War (1946-49) 12
- Thessaloniki International Trade Fair 5
- Annexation of Bukovina to Romania (1918) 7
- Annexation of Northern Bukovina to the Soviet Union (1940) 19
- The German invasion of Poland (1939) 94
- Kishinev Pogrom (1903) 7
- Romanian Annexation of Bessarabia (1918) 25
- Returning of the Hungarian rule in Transylvania (1940-1944) 43
- Soviet Occupation of Bessarabia (1940) 59
- Second Vienna Dictate 27
- Estonian war of independence 3
- Warsaw Uprising 2
- Soviet occupation of the Balitc states (1940) 147
- Austrian Civil War (1934) 9
- Anschluss (1938) 71
- Collapse of Habsburg empire 3
- Dollfuß Regime 3
- Emigration to Vienna before WWII 36
- Kolkhoz 131
- KuK - Königlich und Kaiserlich 40
- Mineriade 1
- Post War Allied occupation 7
- Waldheim affair 5
- Trianon Peace Treaty 12
- NEP 56
- Russian Revolution 351
- Ukrainian Famine 199
- The Great Terror 283
- Perestroika 233
- 22nd June 1941 468
- Molotov's radio speech 115
- Victory Day 147
- Stalin's death 365
- Khrushchev's speech at 20th Congress 148
- KGB 62
- NKVD 153
- German occupation of Hungary (18-19 March 1944) 45
- Józef Pilsudski (until 1935) 33
- 1956 revolution 84
- Prague Spring (1968) 73
- 1989 change of regime 174
- Gomulka campaign (1968) 81
-
Holocaust
9685
- Holocaust (in general) 2789
- Concentration camp / Work camp 1235
- Mass shooting operations 337
- Ghetto 1183
- Death / extermination camp 647
- Deportation 1063
- Forced labor 791
- Flight 1410
- Hiding 594
- Resistance 121
- 1941 evacuations 866
- Novemberpogrom / Kristallnacht 34
- Eleftherias Square 10
- Kasztner group 1
- Pogrom in Iasi and the Death Train 21
- Sammelwohnungen 9
- Strohmann system 11
- Struma ship 17
- Life under occupation 803
- Yellow star house 72
- Protected house 15
- Arrow Cross ("nyilasok") 42
- Danube bank shots 6
- Kindertransport 26
- Schutzpass / false papers 95
- Warsaw Ghetto Uprising (1943) 24
- Warsaw Uprising (1944) 23
- Helpers 521
- Righteous Gentiles 269
- Returning home 1090
- Holocaust compensation 112
- Restitution 109
- Property (loss of property) 595
- Loss of loved ones 1724
- Trauma 1029
- Talking about what happened 1807
- Liberation 558
- Military 3322
- Politics 2640
-
Communism
4468
- Life in the Soviet Union/under Communism (in general) 2592
- Anti-communist resistance in general 63
- Nationalization under Communism 221
- Illegal communist movements 98
- Systematic demolitions under communism 45
- Communist holidays 311
- Sentiments about the communist rule 930
- Collectivization 94
- Experiences with state police 349
- Prison/Forced labor under communist/socialist rule 449
- Lack or violation of human and citizen rights 483
- Life after the change of the regime (1989) 493
- Israel / Palestine 2190
- Zionism 847
- Jewish Organizations 1200
Displaying 26101 - 26130 of 50826 results
Ester Khanson
![](/themes/custom/centro/flags/ee.svg)
Tallinn was liberated and our group came to Tallinn via Tartu. I went with Kopyrkin and the supplier, the Armenian guy. I was surprised that Tartu was an empty city. All houses were open and you could walk in anywhere and take anything. People must have fled the city without taking anything. We spent a night there and then went to Tallinn. Suddenly I felt so bad as I had nowhere to go. I could not understand whether it was my home or not. We were taken to the castle of the government and said that we would spend a night there. I spent many nights in the armchair in the governmental building.
Then my mother and brother came and we went to Nõmme, to our prewar house. There were strange people in our house and none of our things. Mother managed to make it possible for our house to be returned to us. We were not willing to live there. Mother found an announcement in the paper regarding the exchange of an apartment in Tallinn to a house in the suburb. We made it work: we got the apartment and other people moved into our house. When we moved to Tallinn, I bumped into my nanny. She was very lonely. She was in such a state that we took her to live with us. She was a kind person, like an angel.
Then my mother and brother came and we went to Nõmme, to our prewar house. There were strange people in our house and none of our things. Mother managed to make it possible for our house to be returned to us. We were not willing to live there. Mother found an announcement in the paper regarding the exchange of an apartment in Tallinn to a house in the suburb. We made it work: we got the apartment and other people moved into our house. When we moved to Tallinn, I bumped into my nanny. She was very lonely. She was in such a state that we took her to live with us. She was a kind person, like an angel.
At every station where we stopped, we left a letter for David for him to know where we were heading. We were on the road for a long time. We had lunch at the stations. Local people treated us very well. They brought us food. I remember the train stopped all of a sudden. There were old ladies with kerchiefs on their heads. I said jokingly, ‘Here we are!’ Everybody was perturbed, but it turned out that I was right. We got off the train. It was Nizhnyaya Uvelka, Chelyabinsk oblast [about 1800 km from Moscow]. The old ladies came up to us and told us that they had been waiting for us and got the bath ready for us. I could not even imagine that.
We went out to look for lodging. Local people accommodated us. The hostess was very pleasant and treated us well. She was sure that the Soviet regime set us free and gave us Estonian, a better life. She asked me how we lived before our liberation. At that time I did not understand that it was better to keep silent and said that we were not liberated, but vice versa! We were free, lived in our own county and you took everything away from us. Probably, it was unexpected for the owner to hear that and she was very frightened! ‘What are you talking about?’ I said I told the truth. When the landlady and her cook went to the market it was hard to tell who was who. At this, the lady was intrigued and she started to ask me about our life. Mother was very worried and told me to keep silent as the woman could inform against us, but she turned out to be a decent lady and did not tell anyone about our conversations.
We went out to look for lodging. Local people accommodated us. The hostess was very pleasant and treated us well. She was sure that the Soviet regime set us free and gave us Estonian, a better life. She asked me how we lived before our liberation. At that time I did not understand that it was better to keep silent and said that we were not liberated, but vice versa! We were free, lived in our own county and you took everything away from us. Probably, it was unexpected for the owner to hear that and she was very frightened! ‘What are you talking about?’ I said I told the truth. When the landlady and her cook went to the market it was hard to tell who was who. At this, the lady was intrigued and she started to ask me about our life. Mother was very worried and told me to keep silent as the woman could inform against us, but she turned out to be a decent lady and did not tell anyone about our conversations.
Hardly had we got over our loss, when another tribulation came. In 1940 Estonia was annexed to the Soviet Union [8]. Though, what was happening seemed so strange and savage to us that we could not even believe that it was real. An authorized person, a so-called commissar [9], was appointed to my father’s warehouse by the Soviet authorities. He was supposed to understand the situation. Mother was supposed to go there every day and help him. All the employees spoke only Estonian, but he knew only Russian, and Mother interpreted for him.
In a while my father’s enterprise was nationalized by the Soviet authorities. The families of most of our friends – Jews and Estonians – had experienced that. They said in the open that they envied Father for dying peacefully, for his family and his life was not taken by them. Father’s workers sympathized with us and even offered help. We lived in fear without knowing what would happen to us. Everything had been taken away from us. Only music saved me from that horror. I was playing all day long.
Thus time went by and a very scary day in Estonian history came, 14th June 1941 [10]. On that day 10,000 thousand people out of a total Estonian population of one million were deported and sent to the Gulag [11] and into exile. Again we were happy that Father did not live to see that. He died at home being surrounded by loved and close people. If he had still been alive, he would have suffered in a camp before his death. And he would not even have a grave.
In a while my father’s enterprise was nationalized by the Soviet authorities. The families of most of our friends – Jews and Estonians – had experienced that. They said in the open that they envied Father for dying peacefully, for his family and his life was not taken by them. Father’s workers sympathized with us and even offered help. We lived in fear without knowing what would happen to us. Everything had been taken away from us. Only music saved me from that horror. I was playing all day long.
Thus time went by and a very scary day in Estonian history came, 14th June 1941 [10]. On that day 10,000 thousand people out of a total Estonian population of one million were deported and sent to the Gulag [11] and into exile. Again we were happy that Father did not live to see that. He died at home being surrounded by loved and close people. If he had still been alive, he would have suffered in a camp before his death. And he would not even have a grave.
When we moved to Tallinn, I started going in for music. I studied in the lyceum and conservatoire. Then, during the Soviet regime the music school was opened in which compulsory and music education could be obtained simultaneously. It was not at the time when I went to school. I learned how to play the grand piano. The teachers praised me. When I finished the lyceum, I entered the conservatoire, the grand piano faculty. My aunt Anna Kljass was a wonderful pianist. She was my first teacher and I loved her classes. When she started teaching at the conservatoire, I was transferred to her class. I loved music and spent a couple of hours every day practicing. I enjoyed my classes. I also attended accounting courses. When I was in Paris, my uncle Volodya told me that music classes would not let me earn my bread and butter, I should study something practical. I cannot say that the work of an accountant attracted me, but I was enrolled for the course.
My brother was drafted into the army. He was tall and handsome, so he was assigned to sentry duty at the governmental building. There were two sentinels and the most handsome and stately soldiers were selected for that. Once my brother was on duty and saw a beautiful girl. He decided to get acquainted with her and left his post. It was considered to be a crime and my brother could have even been imprisoned for that. Mother went to the military minister. He was a wonderful man. Mother asked him to be indulgent with David. He calmed down my mother and tried to arrange it that my brother would not be punished rigidly.
My brother was drafted into the army. He was tall and handsome, so he was assigned to sentry duty at the governmental building. There were two sentinels and the most handsome and stately soldiers were selected for that. Once my brother was on duty and saw a beautiful girl. He decided to get acquainted with her and left his post. It was considered to be a crime and my brother could have even been imprisoned for that. Mother went to the military minister. He was a wonderful man. Mother asked him to be indulgent with David. He calmed down my mother and tried to arrange it that my brother would not be punished rigidly.
We had a meeting before the certificates were handed out. Each student was asked what she would do upon graduation from the lyceum. All my friends from the Jewish lyceum were going to leave for Israel. I was also thinking of that. When the board asked me that question I said, ‘I will be leaving for Israel.’ The chairman of the commission said that my decision was right. As a matter of fact, I wanted to leave, but my parents were against it. Father forbade me even to think of Israel. He said he would not give me money and what would I do then? I had to give up my plans. Then I thought soundly that Father was probably right. I was not as independent as my friends. I probably would not be able to survive in Israel. I calmed down.
My closest friends were the girls from the Ivrit lyceum. When I came back from Paris, I abhorred everything German. Though since childhood I had been speaking German, I even was not willing to speak that language. It was unpleasant for me. I remember on the first day at school the German teacher said with pride, ‘ I heard the Führer’s speech!’ She said it with such pathos that I even started hating her.
Our mathematics teacher was a countess, from a noble kin. We knew that she also supported national-socialism, but she never showed it. She treated me fairly. Mathematics was hard for me and she advised me to take private lessons with a German teacher of mathematics, Baron von Rekkenkaf. He was paralyzed. His hands could move and that was it. His young wife looked after him. He was a great teacher. He explained mathematics so well to me that I started understanding it and even loved it. He also helped me with physics. After having classes with him I got only good and excellent marks in those subjects.
Baron von Rekkenkaf said that I was a Jew, but he treated me in a very friendly manner. I cannot say that all Germans were bad, but often I had to force myself` to communicate with them. Some students from my lyceum started to make fascist hails. They raised their hands and exclaimed, ‘Heil Hitler!’ They were not perturbed with my presence. They did not even consider that I was a Jew, and if the Germans came to Estonia, I could be killed. I understood that they were not hostile toward me. They merely did not understand what type of impression I would get from that.
I had to write a composition in German at my final exam. There was a blank sheet of paper in front of me, but I could not make myself to write a word. The teacher came up to me and said that if I would agree to a satisfactory mark in my certificate, she would help me. Previously I had only excellent marks in German, but I replied that I did not care which mark I would be given. She helped me focus. I understood that I had to write a composition and I wrote it somehow. Thus, I finished lyceum with a bad mark in German, but it did not upset me.
Our mathematics teacher was a countess, from a noble kin. We knew that she also supported national-socialism, but she never showed it. She treated me fairly. Mathematics was hard for me and she advised me to take private lessons with a German teacher of mathematics, Baron von Rekkenkaf. He was paralyzed. His hands could move and that was it. His young wife looked after him. He was a great teacher. He explained mathematics so well to me that I started understanding it and even loved it. He also helped me with physics. After having classes with him I got only good and excellent marks in those subjects.
Baron von Rekkenkaf said that I was a Jew, but he treated me in a very friendly manner. I cannot say that all Germans were bad, but often I had to force myself` to communicate with them. Some students from my lyceum started to make fascist hails. They raised their hands and exclaimed, ‘Heil Hitler!’ They were not perturbed with my presence. They did not even consider that I was a Jew, and if the Germans came to Estonia, I could be killed. I understood that they were not hostile toward me. They merely did not understand what type of impression I would get from that.
I had to write a composition in German at my final exam. There was a blank sheet of paper in front of me, but I could not make myself to write a word. The teacher came up to me and said that if I would agree to a satisfactory mark in my certificate, she would help me. Previously I had only excellent marks in German, but I replied that I did not care which mark I would be given. She helped me focus. I understood that I had to write a composition and I wrote it somehow. Thus, I finished lyceum with a bad mark in German, but it did not upset me.
Then suddenly on 1st September 1939 the war began, German troops invaded Poland [7]. I was in Paris. My uncle said that I had to go home at once. I could not go through Germany, so we picked the itinerary via Belgium and Sweden. I was issued a Belgian visa at once, as for Sweden it took longer. They were afraid that I would stay in Stockholm. Swedes were afraid of Germans, and they did not want to have another Jew. Only when my aunt Jenny knelt down in front of the consul, he took pity on me and gave me the entry permit. I wrote Leo that I would go through Sweden. When my uncle was seeing me off, he told me that when I meet Leo, I would understand that he does not mean anything to me anymore.
We had fun during the voyage to Belgium from France. Everybody danced. Nobody thought of war and imminent danger. I visited my cousin in Belgium. She was the daughter of my father’s brother Bernhard. She lived in Belgium with her husband and two wonderful children. Then, when the Germans occupied Belgium she wrote to her father in Tartu: ‘You can live with Germans. Do not leave.’ I spent a couple of days there and went to Sweden. I had to wait there for two or three days for the ship to Estonia.
We had fun during the voyage to Belgium from France. Everybody danced. Nobody thought of war and imminent danger. I visited my cousin in Belgium. She was the daughter of my father’s brother Bernhard. She lived in Belgium with her husband and two wonderful children. Then, when the Germans occupied Belgium she wrote to her father in Tartu: ‘You can live with Germans. Do not leave.’ I spent a couple of days there and went to Sweden. I had to wait there for two or three days for the ship to Estonia.
I fell in love there. A Jewish family called Rozental from Finland – mother, daughter and son – was also in that spa. My mother became friends with that lady. Both of them were in WIZO [6]. First it made them closer, then they had other interests. The daughter of that lady was a very beautiful girl. She fell in love with my brother and he fell in love with her. I fell in love with that lady’s son and our love was mutual. Leo was about five or six years older than me. When our vacation was about to end and we had to go home, Leo proposed to me. I had to study in the lyceum for another year. I decided to quit my studies and marry Leo, but he did not allow me to do that saying that I should be educated, finish the lyceum at least. We parted and Leo promised to visit me on New Year’s.
My brother and I had to go on with our studies. There were several Russian lyceums in Tallinn but we did not know the Russian language well enough to be admitted. There was a Jewish lyceum [4], where all subjects were taught in Ivrit. Children started learning Ivrit before school, in kindergarten. I did not know the Estonian language either. Thus, we had a limited choice: I could study only in a German school. There were several German lyceums and schools. There was a very good German girls’ lyceum, Elisenschule, where girls from high society studied. Mother wanted me to study there as well. I was not admitted to that lyceum because I was a Jew. There was another German lyceum for girls not far from our house. It was very democratic. My German was great after having spent so many years in Germany. I was enrolled in the lyceum. The teacher said it would be excellent if all girls would speak such good German as I did.
I was the only Jew in my class, but there were Jewish girls in other classes, in each grade. We felt no anti-Semitism. Jews were treated very friendly in the Estonian republic [5]. There was no oppression. Unfortunately, I did not know the Estonian language and in my first year I was free not to study the Estonian language at the lyceum. I took private lessons. During the summer holidays, when the whole family went on vacation, my mother hired an Estonian language teacher for me. All children played, swam, while I studied Estonian. I made pretty good progress. At the beginning of the year the teacher checked my knowledge of the Estonian language and was happy with my results. The Estonian language was taught by a German from a very good family. Her brother was a professor. An Estonian philologist came to our class and controlled the teaching process.
I was the only Jew in my class, but there were Jewish girls in other classes, in each grade. We felt no anti-Semitism. Jews were treated very friendly in the Estonian republic [5]. There was no oppression. Unfortunately, I did not know the Estonian language and in my first year I was free not to study the Estonian language at the lyceum. I took private lessons. During the summer holidays, when the whole family went on vacation, my mother hired an Estonian language teacher for me. All children played, swam, while I studied Estonian. I made pretty good progress. At the beginning of the year the teacher checked my knowledge of the Estonian language and was happy with my results. The Estonian language was taught by a German from a very good family. Her brother was a professor. An Estonian philologist came to our class and controlled the teaching process.
All those good things lasted for several years. Our life was calm and joyful. I had my first suitors, my brother’s pals from the lyceum. Then, in the early 1930s, fascists started seeking power in Germany. I was far from politics, but I remember that my parents first took it calmly, but once we were walking in the street not far from our house, and there were two demonstrations: Nazis on the one side of the street and communists on the other. They were in columns. Each of them was walking on one side of the street and they met. What a horror! Mother and I witnessed this mêlée. I do not remember how we got home. Both of us were crying from horror.
Then such street frays became common. Gradually the atmosphere became tenser and it was very calm in the city. I was afraid to go out, talked my parents into returning to Estonia. Mother was ready to go back, but she did not want to live in Tartu. We decided to settle in Tallinn. Father was the first to leave Berlin to find lodging in Tallinn. As soon as he found a place to live, we came back to Estonia.
Then such street frays became common. Gradually the atmosphere became tenser and it was very calm in the city. I was afraid to go out, talked my parents into returning to Estonia. Mother was ready to go back, but she did not want to live in Tartu. We decided to settle in Tallinn. Father was the first to leave Berlin to find lodging in Tallinn. As soon as he found a place to live, we came back to Estonia.
I had turned eight and finished the first grade at school in Tartu, when my mother wanted to spend the summer in Germany. Of course, our nanny and grandmother Regina came with us. Father stayed in Tartu as he could not leave his work for a long time. We went to Berlin. My brother and I were raised in Tartu and we were astounded when we arrived in such a big city. I looked at the high, many-storied buildings and could not imagine how people got to the top floors. They were so high! My brother and I were surprised about many things! Mother told me that we looked very calm, asked no questions and seemed to understand everything. But in fact, many things seemed so amazing to us that I still remember what I felt at that time.
We liked Berlin a lot and my mother decided that we would not return to Estonia. Father joined us. He found a job easily. We rented a decent, furnished apartment in a good district at Brandenburger Strasse, not far from Kurfürstendamm. It was not in the heart of Berlin, but a little bit farther from the city center. Nanny or Grandmother Regina took us for a walk in the park. We made new friends. Most of them were German children. Grandmother or Nanny sat on the bench and did needlework, while we were playing nearby. I remember our favorite game: my brother and his friend were bellicose Indians. They would catch me and tie me to a tree and throw imaginary knives at me. They had fun and I felt like a hero.
There were a lot of amusements for children in Berlin: theaters, concerts, matinees. I remember that almost every day we went somewhere, either to the theater or to a concert. The school year was approaching and we went to school. We had spoken German since our childhood, so there was no problem with that. My brother and I entered Volksschule – public elementary school. Those schools were co-ed: boys and girls studied together. Then, in the lyceum they studied separately. I went to the first grade and David to the third. I was surprised that there were teachers in the school that beat students. We had a needlework class. It seemed to the teacher that one girl did not have a very tidy needlework bag and she slapped her so hard that the girl fell. I was perplexed with that. I was never beaten by teachers, but still I was afraid of them.
When David finished Volksschule he entered a very good lyceum for boys, and I entered the lyceum for girls. As compared to the Volksschule, the atmosphere in the lyceum was absolutely different. I remember my English language teacher with special affection. The knowledge imparted to me by her was the basis for my further studies of the language.
We liked Berlin a lot and my mother decided that we would not return to Estonia. Father joined us. He found a job easily. We rented a decent, furnished apartment in a good district at Brandenburger Strasse, not far from Kurfürstendamm. It was not in the heart of Berlin, but a little bit farther from the city center. Nanny or Grandmother Regina took us for a walk in the park. We made new friends. Most of them were German children. Grandmother or Nanny sat on the bench and did needlework, while we were playing nearby. I remember our favorite game: my brother and his friend were bellicose Indians. They would catch me and tie me to a tree and throw imaginary knives at me. They had fun and I felt like a hero.
There were a lot of amusements for children in Berlin: theaters, concerts, matinees. I remember that almost every day we went somewhere, either to the theater or to a concert. The school year was approaching and we went to school. We had spoken German since our childhood, so there was no problem with that. My brother and I entered Volksschule – public elementary school. Those schools were co-ed: boys and girls studied together. Then, in the lyceum they studied separately. I went to the first grade and David to the third. I was surprised that there were teachers in the school that beat students. We had a needlework class. It seemed to the teacher that one girl did not have a very tidy needlework bag and she slapped her so hard that the girl fell. I was perplexed with that. I was never beaten by teachers, but still I was afraid of them.
When David finished Volksschule he entered a very good lyceum for boys, and I entered the lyceum for girls. As compared to the Volksschule, the atmosphere in the lyceum was absolutely different. I remember my English language teacher with special affection. The knowledge imparted to me by her was the basis for my further studies of the language.
We had a wonderful nanny, whom I will never forget. Her name was Minna, and my brother and I called her Minenka. She loved us like her own children. She was a dear person to us. She warmed me with love and care in my childhood.
We stuck to Jewish traditions at home, but did not observe them strictly. We marked Jewish holidays at home. Father went to the synagogue on holidays. I remember on Pesach my father carried out the seder and afterward we sang Pascal songs. I also remember New Year [Rosh Hashanah]. We always marked it ceremoniously. We did not observe the kashrut. We did not cook dishes from pork, but my father liked ham a lot and it was bought for him.
We stuck to Jewish traditions at home, but did not observe them strictly. We marked Jewish holidays at home. Father went to the synagogue on holidays. I remember on Pesach my father carried out the seder and afterward we sang Pascal songs. I also remember New Year [Rosh Hashanah]. We always marked it ceremoniously. We did not observe the kashrut. We did not cook dishes from pork, but my father liked ham a lot and it was bought for him.
My parents got married in 1915. They lived in Tartu, back then called Yuryev. They did not have their own place to live, they rented an apartment. The apartments were always very beautiful. Father dealt with timbering. He had a wholesale warehouse of timber materials: boards, roof timbers etc. In a word, all kinds of timbering materials used in construction could be purchased at my father’s warehouse. After getting married, my Mother became a housewife. In 1917 my elder brother David was born, and I was born in 1919. I was called Ester. Only German was spoken at home, and my brother and I learned how to speak German. It was our first language.
I had a very happy childhood. The house in which my parents rented an apartment during my childhood was located in a wonderful, large garden. Father loved roses and cultivated them himself. We had a horse and two dogs – the bigger one, the watch dog lived in the yard, and the small one in the apartment.
I remember my brother’s and my portraits were hung on the wall in the drawing-room. When David turned four, my mother had an artist make his portrait. David was a very handsome boy. The artist depicted him sitting on the sofa against a blue background. The portrait was made in pale shades. My portrait was made by the artist Rudolf Kreli, a Baltic German. He painted my portrait in the garden. I was holding a blooming branch of an apple tree in my hand and was smiling. Mother always made me a bow from bands that looked like a butterfly. I wore a pretty white dress with flounces with pink trimming. Those pink trimmings were not depicted on the portrait. I was very disappointed as I liked those flounces so much!
I had a very happy childhood. The house in which my parents rented an apartment during my childhood was located in a wonderful, large garden. Father loved roses and cultivated them himself. We had a horse and two dogs – the bigger one, the watch dog lived in the yard, and the small one in the apartment.
I remember my brother’s and my portraits were hung on the wall in the drawing-room. When David turned four, my mother had an artist make his portrait. David was a very handsome boy. The artist depicted him sitting on the sofa against a blue background. The portrait was made in pale shades. My portrait was made by the artist Rudolf Kreli, a Baltic German. He painted my portrait in the garden. I was holding a blooming branch of an apple tree in my hand and was smiling. Mother always made me a bow from bands that looked like a butterfly. I wore a pretty white dress with flounces with pink trimming. Those pink trimmings were not depicted on the portrait. I was very disappointed as I liked those flounces so much!
I think my father’s family was religious. At any rate, my father and his brothers stuck to Jewish traditions, when they were adults. They were not bigots, but they observed Jewish laws. It must have been imbibed in their childhood. German was spoken in the family.
Anatoli Kraemer
![](/themes/custom/centro/flags/ee.svg)
During the years of perestroika [48] the Jewish Community of Estonia [49] was founded. The community does a lot for us. Here like anywhere else we can find differences between Soviet and other Jews. It is so vast, but often we cannot understand each other, as if we are talking about different things. A Jew should understand a Jew, and our views differ so much that we cannot find an understanding. The Jewish community helps everybody, be it Estonian or Soviet Jews. Apart from monetary assistance, we are given food.
Different festive events are also organized for us. My 80th jubilee was marked in the Jewish community. It was great. I was so moved. Every month the birthdays of all people born in that month are celebrated. It is great, as most of them have neither family nor friends. Who would congratulate them at home? They do it in a nice way in the community – a festive dinner, presents, greetings. It is very important for us old people. It is hard to feel lonely and unwanted. Jewish holidays are always arranged for us, we celebrate them in the community with a rabbi.
Different festive events are also organized for us. My 80th jubilee was marked in the Jewish community. It was great. I was so moved. Every month the birthdays of all people born in that month are celebrated. It is great, as most of them have neither family nor friends. Who would congratulate them at home? They do it in a nice way in the community – a festive dinner, presents, greetings. It is very important for us old people. It is hard to feel lonely and unwanted. Jewish holidays are always arranged for us, we celebrate them in the community with a rabbi.
At times I am asked why I joined the communist party. What was I supposed to do? At that time I could not have acted otherwise. I thought it was right to be a party member. I was very young and I did not understand how hypocritical the policy of the Soviet Union was. We were always told that it was the party that fought fascism and defeated Hitler in that horrible war. I saw the atrocity of fascism with my own eyes and I believed that I belonged to those who were fighting against it.
Estonia is getting capitalistic, which is good. What is good in capitalism? It is good for constant development. You cannot remain where you are, as the others will be ahead of you. Everybody thinks of improving things, coming up with a new idea. There was nothing of the kind in the Soviet Union. Socialists gave people no chance to grow, making all people stay at the same level. It was hard to go past that level. Initiative was not encouraged. It was a good and calm time for those people who were not willing to learn new things. I have always been eager to do something interesting, better, innovative. It was hard for me as I was going upstream.
I feel no anti-Semitism in Estonia. I am Estonian citizen, enjoying all the rights of a citizen and having certain responsibilities. Though, it is not the same for Russian Jews, who settled in Estonia after 1940. Estonians consider them to be occupants along with Russians and it is noticeable in the attitude towards Russian Jews. And such an attitude is also directed towards veterans of the Estonian corps. We are also called occupants or accomplices of the occupants. It hurts.
When Estonia became independent, life was getting difficult. There was not enough money and Mayli started working as a librarian at school. She stopped working in 1998. Mayli is a wonderful person. Both my daughters loved her very much. Mayli treated them like her own. She loves her grandchildren. Both my daughters are married. The elder, Ilona, lives in Switzerland with her family. Her son Oscar is 22. My younger one, Viola, married name Eek, lives in Finland with her husband and her daughter Anne. Both of them often come to our dacha [47] on vacation with their families. They are happy to see Mayli as much as to see me.
I welcomed the breakup of the Soviet Union. Estonia regained independence, but for all of us, born in Estonia, it was a revival. Many people who are younger than me do not remember many things, but I am the one who can compare. I remember how Jews were treated in pre-soviet Estonia. Jews had all opportunities to study and live comfortably. Estonian Jews were helped and protected by the state. Really, Jews had a good living in bourgeois Estonia. There were poor and rich ones. Indeed, the rich helped out the poor.
I welcomed the breakup of the Soviet Union. Estonia regained independence, but for all of us, born in Estonia, it was a revival. Many people who are younger than me do not remember many things, but I am the one who can compare. I remember how Jews were treated in pre-soviet Estonia. Jews had all opportunities to study and live comfortably. Estonian Jews were helped and protected by the state. Really, Jews had a good living in bourgeois Estonia. There were poor and rich ones. Indeed, the rich helped out the poor.
My and Mayli’s name are also mentioned there. In due time, my daughters will have to insert the date of death. Here I had some disagreement with the rabbi of our Jewish community. First, according to the Jewish traditions, a dead Jew cannot be put in the grave with other bodies, even if they were buried 20-30 years ago. I do not think it is right. Secondly, I would like to be cremated after I die. I know that for instance in America, Jews are cremated and nobody considers it a violation of Jewish traditions. But we cannot do it here. Why not?
Things are changing in the world, why should we stick to the old times. This is wrong. There are so few Jews left in Tallinn, can’t there be a concession to us? I am so old that I can die any day and I want it to be done my way. The last person who died from the senior generation of our family was my aunt Ester, the wife of mother’s brother David. She died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 97. She had a sound mind until her last day.
Things are changing in the world, why should we stick to the old times. This is wrong. There are so few Jews left in Tallinn, can’t there be a concession to us? I am so old that I can die any day and I want it to be done my way. The last person who died from the senior generation of our family was my aunt Ester, the wife of mother’s brother David. She died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 97. She had a sound mind until her last day.
I met my second wife, an Estonian lady called Mayli Kurg, a long time ago, in the 1950s. I was still married when we met and we were just friends. Mayli is a very kind and smart person. I always asked for her advice when I had some difficulties with work. We started seeing each other more often when I moved to Tallinn. By that time I had been divorced. I really needed Mayli. We got married in 1975. The wedding was not special, we just had our marriage registered and in the evening we had a party at the restaurant with relatives and friends.
Mayli had a small apartment. We exchanged Mayli’s and my mother’s apartments for a nice three-room apartment in a new building in a new district of Tallinn. We are still living there. My mother lived with us until her death. She loved Mayli, who was like a daughter to her. Mayli looked after my mother and helped her a lot. My mother died in 1978. She was buried in the Jewish cemetery next to my stepfather. It was a traditional Jewish funeral. There was a synagogue at the cemetery and we stuck to the rite. My friends also helped me out. We put a memorial plaque on the tombstone mentioning my father’s name Samuel Kraemer.
Mayli had a small apartment. We exchanged Mayli’s and my mother’s apartments for a nice three-room apartment in a new building in a new district of Tallinn. We are still living there. My mother lived with us until her death. She loved Mayli, who was like a daughter to her. Mayli looked after my mother and helped her a lot. My mother died in 1978. She was buried in the Jewish cemetery next to my stepfather. It was a traditional Jewish funeral. There was a synagogue at the cemetery and we stuck to the rite. My friends also helped me out. We put a memorial plaque on the tombstone mentioning my father’s name Samuel Kraemer.
When in 1948 the state of Israel was founded [41], I gladly welcomed it. I took the foundation of the Jewish state seriously and I was happy that after 2000 years the state was revived. Soviet Union was one of the initiators of the foundation of the state of Israel, but after a while the relationships between the states were not that friendly. The Soviet Union even terminated diplomatic relations with Israel [42]. Official propaganda called Israel the aggressor. We started to support Arab countries, supplied weapons, military experts and probably also provided monetary assistance.
During the Six-Day-War [43] and the Yom Kippur War [44] the Soviet mass media even said that Israel was the first to attack, though all of us knew that it was not the case. We could follow the events in Israel from the transmissions of the foreign radio. We were worried about Israel. Everybody understood that the Arab countries wanted to exterminate Israel with the help of the Soviet Union. I remember how happy we were over the Israeli victory. We exulted over all the victories of Israel. At that time it was noticeable that the Soviet Union was biased against Israel. Unfortunately, very few things have changed since then. Russia, considering itself the successor of the Soviet Union, treats Israel the same way.
During the Six-Day-War [43] and the Yom Kippur War [44] the Soviet mass media even said that Israel was the first to attack, though all of us knew that it was not the case. We could follow the events in Israel from the transmissions of the foreign radio. We were worried about Israel. Everybody understood that the Arab countries wanted to exterminate Israel with the help of the Soviet Union. I remember how happy we were over the Israeli victory. We exulted over all the victories of Israel. At that time it was noticeable that the Soviet Union was biased against Israel. Unfortunately, very few things have changed since then. Russia, considering itself the successor of the Soviet Union, treats Israel the same way.
In general, the Soviet system was built on deception and hypocrisy. The bright example of that are the elections to local council and up to Supreme Council of Estonia and the USSR. For a number of years I was the chairman of the electoral board. It’s hard to call that procedure election – there was only one possible candidate that people were supposed to elect. The only choice was pro or contra his name. The votes were counted in a peculiar way. I received a call from the party committee and was told: today we were supposed to have 98%. That was the issue. It was all false, we were not supposed to do that. I never made that approach, but those things took place nevertheless.
It was the time when I got to know that the KGB [37] followed everybody, especially abroad. There was also somebody in our group who was assigned by the party committee to go with us on tour. He had nothing to do with our group, his only task was to follow the members of the group, eavesdropping on people and keeping a record on everyone. First, I was very naïve and I could not believe it when somebody told me about it. Then I believed that it was true.
Our symphonic orchestra was supposed to go to Berlin on an excursion. It was Eastern Germany, but still a foreign country to us. Suddenly, some musicians from the orchestra came up to me and told me that one of their colleagues would not go to Berlin as per order from Moscow, and a man and woman were sent instead of him. Those two people turned out to be from the KGB and they were supposed to report on our trip. Even in Berlin, when we went on a city tour, they stayed at the hotel and checked our things.
At times the KGB turned some of our musicians into informers. Once, I went to Finland with the ladies band. We were talking with the group leader, and suddenly I heard some sounds behind the door. We opened the door and saw a musician who was instructed to eavesdrop on us. His task was to follow what other people were doing. Those were unpleasant things, which made me feel despondent.
Our symphonic orchestra was supposed to go to Berlin on an excursion. It was Eastern Germany, but still a foreign country to us. Suddenly, some musicians from the orchestra came up to me and told me that one of their colleagues would not go to Berlin as per order from Moscow, and a man and woman were sent instead of him. Those two people turned out to be from the KGB and they were supposed to report on our trip. Even in Berlin, when we went on a city tour, they stayed at the hotel and checked our things.
At times the KGB turned some of our musicians into informers. Once, I went to Finland with the ladies band. We were talking with the group leader, and suddenly I heard some sounds behind the door. We opened the door and saw a musician who was instructed to eavesdrop on us. His task was to follow what other people were doing. Those were unpleasant things, which made me feel despondent.
Mother was a good homemaker and she managed to make a living with the money she got. We did not observe the kashrut after the war, it was next to impossible. There was a deficit of primary products, not to mention kosher ones. But still, if Mother bought live chickens on the market, she took them to a shochet to have them cut. We marked major Jewish holidays.
After the war there was no synagogue in Tallinn, just a small prayer house. There was no rabbi. An old Jew, who knew traditions, was acting as rabbi. Before Pesach matzah was sold in the synagogue; it was brought from somewhere. On holidays my mother and Mark went to the synagogue. At home holidays were marked in accordance with the rules – no crumbs on Pesach and strict fasting on Yom Kippur. If I was in Tallinn during a holiday, I marked it with Mother and Mark. It did it only for them, as I personally did not need it.
After the war there was no synagogue in Tallinn, just a small prayer house. There was no rabbi. An old Jew, who knew traditions, was acting as rabbi. Before Pesach matzah was sold in the synagogue; it was brought from somewhere. On holidays my mother and Mark went to the synagogue. At home holidays were marked in accordance with the rules – no crumbs on Pesach and strict fasting on Yom Kippur. If I was in Tallinn during a holiday, I marked it with Mother and Mark. It did it only for them, as I personally did not need it.
When our theater became solid and well-organized I was offered a job in the district party committee. I accepted the offer. I had a good reputation there and soon I was in charge of the department, but they said that it was the highest position I could get, as the next top position was the secretary of the district party committee and I was clearly told that a Jew could not be assigned to that post in the Soviet Union. Of course, I knew that anti-Semitism was very strong in the Soviet Union, but it was not accepted in Estonia, at any rate within the aboriginal population. Those who arrived from the USSR remained with their views in Estonia. It hurt me.
I went to Otepää with my family. I got married in Tallinn. I am not willing to tell you anything about my first wife. We parted a long time ago. We had two daughters: Ilona, born in 1949, and Viola, born in 1951. I was appointed the director of the people’s theater in Otepää. It was an amateur theater, the producer was the only professional there. They needed an organizer, who could make it work. I started organizing work enthusiastically. We repaired the theater building, chose a couple of plays and started rehearsals. It was very interesting; I even played some minor parts. I worked all day long.
Of course, it hurt my family. My relationship with my wife got very tense. What woman would like her husband to come home for sleep and then run away to work in the morning? Thus, things went well at work, but it was vice versa in the family. Our group became very famous not only in our district, but all over Estonia. We got prizes and honorary mentions at all amateur contests, but I broke up with my wife. My wife said that she was fed up with being a wife on paper and filed for a divorce. After that she took our daughters to Tallinn. Of course, I saw my daughters as much as I could, trying to go to Tallinn more often.
Of course, it hurt my family. My relationship with my wife got very tense. What woman would like her husband to come home for sleep and then run away to work in the morning? Thus, things went well at work, but it was vice versa in the family. Our group became very famous not only in our district, but all over Estonia. We got prizes and honorary mentions at all amateur contests, but I broke up with my wife. My wife said that she was fed up with being a wife on paper and filed for a divorce. After that she took our daughters to Tallinn. Of course, I saw my daughters as much as I could, trying to go to Tallinn more often.
After the Twentieth Party Congress [35] they started to look into the cases of those who suffered under Stalin. It was the period of time when many repressed people came back. My stepfather Mark Schynzvit also came back. He was exhausted, feeble, but still alive. I was called to the central party committee of Estonia and asked where I would like to work. Despite them being unfair to me during the Doctors’ Plot, I was still a great patriot of Estonia. I saw the poor performance of kolkhozes [36]. Estonia, having been world food exporter until 1940, could barely cover domestic needs. I decided that I should go to the villages. My friend was assigned the first secretary of the regional party committee in Otepää district, now a famous ski training area. He asked for my help. I moved there from Tallinn and worked there for four years.
On 9th May 1945 [26] we were supposed to attack German positions... I went through the entire war and was always sure that death would go past me. But before that battle, I had a feeling that I would not survive it. On the eve of the battle, I went to bed earlier in the dug-out. Suddenly I heard shots thinking that the battle was on. I ran out and saw our soldiers shooting from guns and pistols and crying out that the war was over. It was on the night of 8th May, the last shots of war. I hugged a tree and burst into tears as I was sure that I would have perished the following day. It was as if someone had granted me life.
, Estonia