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Stalin died in March 1953. I remember we had a solemn line-up at school, where all of us cried sincerely. We, raised in the Soviet ideology, thought Stalin to be our idol, taking care of all. It was a great sorrow. After school our class went to the old part of the city and started fooling around. I recall one of my classmates, Oxana, a very emotional girl said, ‘We have just barely stopped crying. What are we doing?’ It was just a relief after a big stress, nobody from us rejoiced in Stalin’s death. It was simply the fact that the youth cannot concentrate on grief for a long time.
Then there was the Twentieth Party Congress [23], Khrushchev’s speech [24]. It was hard to accept, it was a real shock just like Stalin’s death. Then I started pondering things over. I dreaded to think about my crushed hopes and belief in Stalin, but still it had not shattered my belief in communist ideas. Later, life became easier. Many bans vanished.
Before Stalin’s death I did not keep in touch with my relatives in France; it was taboo for Soviet citizens to keep in touch with relatives abroad. Father even destroyed all my mother’s educational papers as they were issued in France and in Germany. Father was afraid to keep them and burned them. Once, after Stalin’s death I came home and saw Mother crying. It turned out that she had sent an informational request about her kin to France and got the response that her parents died in 1952, one she perished. My mother’s relatives identified themselves as French and they were rather prosperous. Ksenia’s husband Retanau was very famous in France, he was one of the leaders of the French resistance.
Father’s whole kin perished in France during the war. French people sheltered them, but Grandmother wanted to take a walk. Nobody wanted to let her out explaining that she should stay in as it was dangerous out there. She would not listen, went outside and vanished. Her daughter Nata was waiting for her, but she did not come back. Nata went out to look for her and also vanished. I do not know where Nata’s husband Sergey was at that time, at any rate, he was not with them. Where was he? He must have perished too. Nata also had a little son. He stayed with the French family, who was sheltering them. He was afflicted with TB and died.
Then there was the Twentieth Party Congress [23], Khrushchev’s speech [24]. It was hard to accept, it was a real shock just like Stalin’s death. Then I started pondering things over. I dreaded to think about my crushed hopes and belief in Stalin, but still it had not shattered my belief in communist ideas. Later, life became easier. Many bans vanished.
Before Stalin’s death I did not keep in touch with my relatives in France; it was taboo for Soviet citizens to keep in touch with relatives abroad. Father even destroyed all my mother’s educational papers as they were issued in France and in Germany. Father was afraid to keep them and burned them. Once, after Stalin’s death I came home and saw Mother crying. It turned out that she had sent an informational request about her kin to France and got the response that her parents died in 1952, one she perished. My mother’s relatives identified themselves as French and they were rather prosperous. Ksenia’s husband Retanau was very famous in France, he was one of the leaders of the French resistance.
Father’s whole kin perished in France during the war. French people sheltered them, but Grandmother wanted to take a walk. Nobody wanted to let her out explaining that she should stay in as it was dangerous out there. She would not listen, went outside and vanished. Her daughter Nata was waiting for her, but she did not come back. Nata went out to look for her and also vanished. I do not know where Nata’s husband Sergey was at that time, at any rate, he was not with them. Where was he? He must have perished too. Nata also had a little son. He stayed with the French family, who was sheltering them. He was afflicted with TB and died.
Location
Estonia
Interview
Julianna Sharik