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I vividly understand that only Stalin’s death saved us. When I found out about his death, I took it as personal grief. I understood that something was wrong in the Soviet Union, but I did not associate it with Stalin. I sincerely believed that we survived the war owing to him, thinking that he took care of us, USSR citizens, doing his best for us to have a good living. I thought his death a tragedy for me and for the entire country. I cried, and other people as well. I had a feeling as if a close person had died.
An even bigger tragedy for me was Khrushchev’s [32] speech at the Twentieth Party Congress [33]. At first, his speech was not published and even party members did not know what had happened. Then his speech was partially covered in the press. When I read it, I was almost killed by the news. The people who were in exile during the first deportation in 1941, started coming back. There was another deportation in 1948, when the peasants unwilling to join kolkhozes were deported. Those few who survived the Gulag [34] also came back.
Their stories were full of horror! So many people were killed, so many worthy people were sent to the camps by Stalin! Terrible! Probably some people knew about it when Stalin was alive, but they were afraid to talk about it. Most of them preferred to keep their mouth shut. It seemed to us that the NKVD controlled everybody’s life.
At any rate there was a constant interference in the life of our family. During the war my husband was in Finland and he was always blamed for it. I was not trusted either: I had a sister in Israel and according to the Soviet notions I could not be trusted. After the war Rika and I did not write letters to each other, as we were afraid. Soon we resumed our communication. Of course, I understand that our life in the Soviet Union was not quite right: we depended on NKVD actions, having fear all the time, but still nobody said anything and neither did I. After the Twentieth Party Congress my belief in the Party was undermined. I understood that I should quit as it would be hard for me to find a job.
After Stalin’s death I never felt anti-Semitism. My colleagues always treated me very well. There was no biased attitude to the Jews in the Artist Council. But my children at school often were told by their classmates that they were not pure Estonians, and their mother was a Jew. I found out about that when they grew up. Probably they did not want to get me involved.
An even bigger tragedy for me was Khrushchev’s [32] speech at the Twentieth Party Congress [33]. At first, his speech was not published and even party members did not know what had happened. Then his speech was partially covered in the press. When I read it, I was almost killed by the news. The people who were in exile during the first deportation in 1941, started coming back. There was another deportation in 1948, when the peasants unwilling to join kolkhozes were deported. Those few who survived the Gulag [34] also came back.
Their stories were full of horror! So many people were killed, so many worthy people were sent to the camps by Stalin! Terrible! Probably some people knew about it when Stalin was alive, but they were afraid to talk about it. Most of them preferred to keep their mouth shut. It seemed to us that the NKVD controlled everybody’s life.
At any rate there was a constant interference in the life of our family. During the war my husband was in Finland and he was always blamed for it. I was not trusted either: I had a sister in Israel and according to the Soviet notions I could not be trusted. After the war Rika and I did not write letters to each other, as we were afraid. Soon we resumed our communication. Of course, I understand that our life in the Soviet Union was not quite right: we depended on NKVD actions, having fear all the time, but still nobody said anything and neither did I. After the Twentieth Party Congress my belief in the Party was undermined. I understood that I should quit as it would be hard for me to find a job.
After Stalin’s death I never felt anti-Semitism. My colleagues always treated me very well. There was no biased attitude to the Jews in the Artist Council. But my children at school often were told by their classmates that they were not pure Estonians, and their mother was a Jew. I found out about that when they grew up. Probably they did not want to get me involved.
Period
Year
1953
Location
Talinn
Estonia
Interview
Siima Shkop
Tag(s)